These are the books that are hard to read, but the story must be told. This can happen any day or anywhere.
An incredible true story of a girl’s struggle through an abusive childhood and how she survived against the odds. This heart wrenching story although harrowing shows that there can be life beyond a stolen childhood!
from Author Laila Bevan
I started to write this book in January of 2008 and I finished writing my story in August of 2009. At first I was not sure where to start and how I was going to manage to write my story in English, especially as I am Norwegian. I didn’t know how much I would remember, and I didn’t know if I could put into writing the events that I could recollect. I wanted to tell my story just as it was, so I decided I would begin by writing about just one experience that came to mind, in order to prove to myself that I could in fact express myself in writing. I wanted to write my story as I experienced it, and how I remembered it. I also wanted to write about how I felt and the thoughts that were in my mind as a child. I didn’t want to disguise the truth by removing the bad language that was spoken to me. The words were more painful than any of the beatings.
When I had completed the introduction, I put aside the project, trying to convince myself that I would never be able to write the book. Three months later, I knew I had to persevere with the project and continue with my story. I had been totally healed years before from my broken background, and I have preached at many churches, in several countries, about the things I went through to help people realize that there can be a life beyond a broken childhood.
A scar is evidence of a place that once endured pain, and possibly bled, but it doesn’t hurt anymore–it’s just a mark. I compare my life to a scar. As I tell my story at different church venues around the world, I show people the “scars” in my soul that once bled, the scars that were a result of so much suffering. But during the process of sharing, I had felt none of the pain I felt as a child. I was healed and there was no longer any “blood” or sadness.
I was determined when I started this book that I was not going to just show my scars.
But it became a different journey altogether; it became an emotional rollercoaster! As I penned the facts of what happened to me and how I felt at that time, onto the paper, I felt as if I had physically reopened the scars of my soul once again, allowing them to bleed, feeling the pain from the wounds of the past. I didn’t realize that this extraordinary journey would transport me back in time, where I would actually become a little girl again, not only reliving those years, but also experiencing the exact pain I felt as a child. There were times during the writing when I felt the need to close my laptop and leave the room to find seclusion, where I could just sob and sob. On those days I was happy to be alone in the house. One day I ran into the bathroom, where I started to cry uncontrollably. The pain had become so unbearable that I shouted to God, if He didn’t take the pain away, I would not write one more word. I paused for a moment and took in a deep breath. When I cried out to God I suddenly felt a deep peace on the inside that I can not explain with words. The pain that I had felt while typing the passage I had just written left. A thought came into my head: “It will be okay, I will not give you more than you can bear.” I knew that thought came from God and I would be able to continue to write. I walked back to my laptop very relieved and continued my work.
Still there were times when I was unable to write anything for weeks at a time, sometimes months. I was scared, as I didn’t know what memories would pop up next and how many details I would remember. Other times I felt I was not able to type fast enough because of everything I could remember.
This book is about how I experienced my childhood, how I felt during the abuse, how I survived against the odds, and what effect my childhood has had on my adult life. It tells how a young mum, with a broken background, coped. We all react differently to the various things that happen to us. I have written about how it was for me and how it shaped me as a person, sometimes in a bad way, but how it ended for the good.
I have tried to write my story in the correct order of events, but there may be differences in dates and times of certain happenings.
I hope this book will inspire those who are still living in broken homes and are suffering under abuse, to be encouraged and know that their childhood does not need to dominate them for the rest of their lives–there is a future and a hope. There is a life beyond a stolen childhood!
I WAS NOT AFRAID OF DYING
BUT AFRAID OF LIVING
from the book
I ran upstairs as fast as I could, to the first floor, then to the attic to where my grandparents’ bedroom was. All I could think of was how to escape. “I have to get away, I have to get away” were the thoughts that raced through my mind, as tears ran down my cheeks. It really hurt this time, my brother had beaten me so badly, and whenever he started to beat me, he never wanted to stop. The more he beat me, the worse he got. It was as if he were driven by some morbid satisfaction of knowing what parts on my body to beat to cause the most pain.